{"id":5756,"date":"2016-12-22T10:00:07","date_gmt":"2016-12-22T10:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.escort-sweden.com\/blog\/?p=2115"},"modified":"2019-04-04T10:24:58","modified_gmt":"2019-04-04T09:24:58","slug":"how-to-avoid-crap-christmas-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.xescorts.com\/blog\/how-to-avoid-crap-christmas-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Avoid Crap Christmas Sex This Year!"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t care if I will sound like the Grinch, but Christmas is one of the most boring days of the year for me. You wake up, you have your bacon sandwiches in the morning, you go to mass at church, you come back home to open your presents, you overeat, and then you spend the last 8 hours of the day watching Xmas movies that the channels repeat every fucking year.<\/p>\n

In Christmas 2015, I went out clubbing in Dubai with a bunch of Egyptian guys that taught me how to Salsa, so after experiencing that year, I don\u2019t think a day being a couch potato would entertain me as last year did<\/strong>. In fact, if I were to stay inside, it would be for 24-hour sex.<\/p>\n

Nothing can satisfy me better than a wet pussy after being eaten out for 20 minutes straight, and now you guys probably think that I\u2019m a pervert and a whore. Oh well, I can\u2019t contain my excitement for it.<\/p>\n

If you love both sex and Christmas, why not celebrate it together? Oh, shit. I almost forgot that most people just eat, drink and sleep. Nevertheless, if you like to get your stocking filled in more ways than one, it\u2019s best to avoid eating, drinking, and sleeping.<\/p>\n

Step 1: Don\u2019t have chocolate for breakfast<\/h2>\n
\"chocolate

Original source: Giphy<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Sure, eating chocolate straight from a Thorntons chocolate box on Christmas morning is allowed when you were a kid, but if you\u2019re still doing it when you\u2019re 32 years-old, you have to take a step back for a moment.<\/p>\n

I doubt your partner would love to taste Terry\u2019s Chocolate Orange in your mouth when he\/she would kiss you, or hearing your stomach gurgle because you ate 3 full packs in one sitting.<\/strong> Therefore, I advise you to opt for a breakfast that\u2019s less harsh on your digestive system, and your breath.<\/p>\n

Step 2: Avoid opening your gifts straight away<\/h2>\n
\"It

Original source: Giphy<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Guys, if you are expecting to get an Xbox One, a PlayStation 4, or a new Nintendo Switch this Christmas, I urge you not to open and play it straight away. Why? Because you would be saying goodbye to sex, and possibly your boyfriend\/girlfriend for the next few weeks.<\/p>\n

I remember when I was given a few new games for my Playstation 1 on a Christmas Morning, and my parents thought I was missing in action. It\u2019s a tough decision to make, but if you still want to get some action in bed, it would be wise for you to open the presents later in the afternoon.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Step 3: Try to not overeat. Just try<\/h2>\n
\"Christmas

Original source: Giphy<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

This step will be a hard one for you to complete, especially if your mum will be doing the cooking, and she’s the type of person that’ll think you hate her food if you don’t eat all of it. I will not lie to you, the food that you will receive will be just as good as last year.<\/p>\n

You will have bacon-wrapped sausages, roasted potatoes, parsnips, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and a fat turkey placed in front of you. It will be impossible for you to resist eating them, but it will be impossible for you to not feel like shit when you\u2019re fucking your partner right after dinner.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So, just try not to overindulge on the food. Just try.<\/p>\n

Step 4: Try not to drink too much. Just try<\/h2>\n
\"excessive

Original source: Giphy<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Like with food, you shouldn\u2019t overindulge on the alcohol either.<\/p>\n

The alcohol won\u2019t do you any favours when it comes to a bit of Christmas love in the bedroom. Maybe it can be beneficial for the conversations that you\u2019d have with your estranged or long lost relatives, but that\u2019s about it.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t believe me, Lara can tell you what happens when you have drunk sex<\/a>, it all ends in a sloppy manner.<\/p>\n

Step 5: Avoid the Christmas Movies playing on your TV<\/h2>\n
\"

Original source: Giphy<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

I think this step would only be applied to you if you have the tendency to watch your favourite seasonal films on repeat every single year, or if you\u2019re just lazy in general.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t care if \u2018Miracle on 34th Street\u2019, \u2018Die Hard\u2019, or \u2018Harry Potter and the Philosopher\u2019s Stone\u2019 will be playing on your TV at 6 pm, those 2 hours that you’d spend on the sofa could have been 2 hours of foreplay, oral sex and intercourse on the sofa.<\/strong> Once you\u2019ve finished watching your cheesy films, you\u2019ll probably end up falling asleep in the middle of a shoddy blowjob or cunnilingus from your partner.<\/p>\n

It has become a social tradition for people to act as fat and as lazy as possible on Christmas day, and why not? Most people don\u2019t work on December 25th to spend time with their loved ones, so why couldn\u2019t they enjoy that time by eating, drinking, and sleeping?<\/p>\n

Then again, if you get bored as quickly as I do, and you\u2019d rather receive a couple of orgasms instead of a couple of oranges in your stocking, it\u2019d be worthwhile to break the cycle of eating, drinking, and sleeping this year.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t care if I will sound like the Grinch, but Christmas is one of the most boring days of the year for me. You wake up, you have your bacon sandwiches in the morning, you go to mass at church, you come back home to open your presents, you overeat, and then you spend the last 8 hours of the day watching Xmas movies that the channels repeat every fucking year.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":5758,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":15,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[8,75,595,714,10],"class_list":["post-5756","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice","tag-sex","tag-sex-advice","tag-sex-discussion","tag-sex-talk","tag-sex-tips"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to avoid crap Christmas sex this year | The XEscorts blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Zoe takes us few a few ways we can make sure that we don't have crap Christmas sex this year. 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