Aftercare: Why It Is So Important To Do
July 18, 2018
Never before has BDSM been as popular as it is now. Things like Fifty Shades has helped to really draw attention to it, and people are eager to experiment with it. Whether you want to take control, submit yourself, or switch between the two roles, you might find that BDSM is very exciting to try and add to your routine.
The problem is that the understanding a lot of people have about it misses important information out. They don’t think about certain important aspects of it, such as aftercare. But what is it and why is it so important to include it?
What is BDSM like?
Summarising a BDSM relationship or a session is difficult to do. For many people, however, they find that they enter a BDSM space. Being in the right frame of mind is important, as it can help make things run smoothly.
It isn’t always easy to get into or out of this frame of mind. It takes time, and so you need that time to do it right. Trying to rush in or out of it can leave you feeling shaken and not quite right. You can’t simply end a session and go about your day as normal.
You need that time to ease out of the mentality you have found yourself in This is why sessions end with a little time spent bringing the dominant and the submissive out of this space. This is most commonly referred to as aftercare.
What is aftercare?
It is relatively easy to figure out what it is. It is simply care that takes place after a session. It doesn’t not have to be a particularly intense session. It could be any session, whether you are a seasoned sub or you are a fresh-faced slave.
You and the person you are doing the session with will find that this time gives you the chance to recover. You can catch your breath and come down from the high of it. You also can talk to your partner about what has happened and discuss the details.
BDSM can be intense. You might find that it is a particularly emotional time, especially when the session ends. You might have other physical needs that need meeting, or perhaps you simply need closeness. Using this type of care afterwards gives you the chance to do that and round off your session nicely.
Why is it important?
For those on the outside looking in, aftercare isn’t a big deal. They think it is just cuddling and telling someone that they did a good job. They believe that is all that is required. But it is so much more than that and is more important than that!
There have been times in the past where I have not received or given proper aftercare. I have ended up stuck in sub space for a long time, and it has been difficult to get out of it. It brought about panic and anxiety, and it is now something that I insist upon in a session.
It also helps to draw a line between the fantasies we have explored and who we are. For example, you might find it is a huge turn on to be humiliated in a BDSM session. You might not want this in your life, and so taking the time to care for yourself and your partner after helps to distinguish between fantasy and reality.
What does it include?
Exactly what is a part of aftercare will vary, depending on you, your partner, and your needs. I have been in BDSM relationships where my partner has wanted nothing more than a hug, a reassuring word, and then a little space while they watch football. I have also been in situations where my partner has been insistent on talking about everything in a very analytical way.
It is something that you will need to adjust, based on the circumstances. If a session has been particularly intense, someone might not want you touching them. If they had to use a stop word, they could be left feeling as though they let you down. In those situations, a reassuring word can really make the difference.
There are so many different things that you can do to help put yourself and your partner at ease. The important thing is to not rush it. Take your time with it, and focus on the emotional and physical needs you both have. It will make a huge difference to your sessions.
What is good aftercare for you?
When I have been dominant in the bedroom, I like to take some time to myself to reflect over what has happened. I tend to do this by complimenting my sub. I’ll point out specific things they did during the session that they did well, offering a lot of praise and gentle touches.
On the occasions I have been submissive, things like a fresh cup of tea and a smile from my dom have made the difference. Aftercare doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Often it is the little things that make the difference.
What do you find works well for you? Have you any suggestions to help others with this? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment in the box below.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.