“My Fetish Is Ruining My Life!”
March 12, 2015
Fetishes tend to get a bad rep. The problem is that most people don’t understand them and won’t take the time to. They make assumptions about you based on your fetish, and that can make talking openly about your fetish very difficult.
A lot of people don’t feel comfortable talking about their fetishes to people who know them well. Instead, they’ll go to websites where they can stay anonymous and confess their desires there.
A quick look around the internet will show you how ashamed people have been made to feel about fetishes in their everyday life. They feel better talking about it where they won’t be judged and instead understood.
Yet many will say “help! My fetish is ruining my life!” so what do you need to do to stop this from happening?
What is the problem?
The reason that people tend to keep their fetishes to themselves is because of how others react to them. They hear the details and go “ew, that’s disgusting” and start to think about what person you are because of it. This leads to you keeping your fetish to yourself out of the fear of rejection.
A friend of mine recently confessed to us that she wants her boyfriend to dominate her. He’s a huge guy, very built from his gym sessions, and she said the idea of him pinning her down during sex and just fucking her is a huge turn on.
Having worked on XEscorts for a while, it wasn’t particularly shocking for me. Yet one of our friends started pulling a face and saying that it “wasn’t right” and that there was “clearly something wrong” with her.
If your fetish is something done between two consenting adults, then you can stop worrying. Having a fetish is normal, and doing it as part of your sex life with a consenting partner is actually good for you. It gives you a healthy outlet for your energy that is fun and enjoyable for you both.
The first thing you need to do to stop your fetish from ruining your life is to accept it. There isn’t anything wrong with you. Anyone saying different is in the wrong. We all have different things that turn us on, and accepting that is the first step to being able to achieve it.
Talking about fetishes
So, you’ve established just what your fetish is and have accepted it. Now you need to talk to your partner about it and start experimenting to find your limits.
It is easier to talk to your partner about your fetish if you can talk to them about sex. If not, you can start off slowly. After sex, when you are lying down together, cuddling, or just relaxing, ask them what their fantasy is. Listen to what they have to say and then tell them about yours.
Explain that you don’t expect them to do it, but you would like to know how they feel about it. While some people will react negatively to it, most will be willing to talk in more detail about it.
Enjoying your fetish
If your partner has agreed to try the fetish out with you, you need to take things slowly.
Yes, you might really want to dive straight in as you’ve been fantasising about it for years, but your partner most likely hasn’t. This is all still new to them, so keep that in mind.
Consider setting a safe word that they can use if things get a little too uncomfortable, and respect them if they do use it. It doesn’t mean that they are weak in any way. It could just mean they need to take a break before trying again, or that they want to talk some more about it.
However, if they are enjoying it and you manage to have real fun together with your fetish, you should still take the time afterwards to talk. Ask what they enjoyed most about it and if they’d like to do it again. If not, leave it at that. You might find someone else to enjoy the fetish with you.
Have you ever been made to feel that your fetish was wrong? What happened? Have you simply repressed your fetish or are you eager to find the right person to share it with?
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.