Why Do We Find It Hard To Talk Sex?
March 10, 2017
“Let’s talk about sex, baby” might be a line in a catchy song, but we find it so hard to open up on the subject of sex. We’d rather stumble through sex with a partner instead of simply asking them what they like. We feel awkward and uncomfortable saying “tell me what you want” when it is the quickest way to please our partners. So why can’t we talk sex?
There are so many different reasons we might not want to talk sex, but what are they? Why are we so shy about sex? And what can you do to gain more confidence to talk to your partner about this hot topic? We have a few suggestions for you, so take a look and let us know what you think by leaving a comment in the box below.
Let’s talk about sex
If you want to know what turns your partner on in the bedroom, the easiest thing to do is to ask them. The issue is that we find it so much easier to talk about things other than sex. Some people would much rather talk about that unusual rash they’ve picked up from somewhere than their own sexual pleasure.
They feel like talking about sex is a really challenging thing to do. We get embarrassed saying to someone “this is what I like in bed. What do you like?”. For some reason it is easier to just pretend that everything we do with our partner in bed is fantastic instead of admitting that we have preferences. But why?
There are so many different reasons why we might not want to talk sex with our partner. Perhaps the biggest reason is that it feels as though we are admitting that we are inexperienced. This isn’t always the case. Sometimes it is difficult to know just what to do to please your partner in the bedroom because they have different interests and kinks.
However to many people, saying “what do you like in bed” roughly translates to “I have no idea what I’m doing”. That isn’t the case. All you are saying is “I want to know the right way to please you”. And yet we would still rather not.
We are just supposed to know
There is this silly idea that once you start sleeping with someone you become a mind reader. You instantly know what they are thinking all of the time, when they are close to orgasm, and what it is in bed that turns them on the most. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been good at guessing what my partner is thinking. In fact the only times I have known exactly is when they have told me.
But for some reason we are supposed to become mind readers. We don’t want to talk sex because we should just know. That’s it. No questions asked. Our partner isn’t supposed to tell us because we are supposed to just know. Of course this isn’t how it works. Instead we end up floundering around trying to figure out what to do and guessing that we have gotten it right… or very very wrong.
That’s the way it is
Another reason that we don’t talk about sex is because it is the way it is. It is more acceptable to completely ignore the desires of your partner than it is to actually open up a dialogue about it. Why should you be open and honest about sex?
We still see sex as something dirty, something that we should not talk about. We avoid the topic at all costs because it is how we are supposed to go about sex. No, don’t bother asking your partner what you want. It isn’t acceptable to do this. Instead you should blindly poke around in the hope that you hit the right spot and make her cum. Or at least that is what society’s general attitude to sex would have us believe.
Wait to talk until after sex
If you want to start talking about sex, you’ll find that the best time to do so is actually after sex. This might sound completely backwards, but hear us out. After you’ve had an orgasm you are exhausted. Your body is tired. The chances are you are both lying there trying to catch your breath. You are also a lot more open to conversation and talking about naughty things like fantasies.
So this is the perfect time to bring it up. It might be difficult to ease into it, so start by saying something like “what was your favourite part?”. It’ll give your partner something specific to think about and let you know what works for her! Then you can introduce other topics slowly. It might take some time, but you’ll find that this is the easiest way to talk about sex.
The best way to talk sex
There are a number of other things that you can do. There are kink tests you can take online, and you can then share your interests with others. Compare and see if there are any areas that match up. If so it might be worth exploring these kinks!
Looking for other suggestions? Check out the comment section below. You’ll find loads of useful tips for talking about sex and you might find other pieces of advice you can’t wait to try out!
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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