Get Better Sex By Saying “YES!”
April 2, 2015
“If you don’t ask, you don’t get” is a statement that I think is pretty true, but it doesn’t guarantee that you get what you want. You could actually be missing out on some of the best sex of your life by not using one little word: yes.
No, we don’t mean in the “oh god yes, fuck me!” sense. We actually mean that, by not saying yes to some of your partner’s suggestions, you could be missing out on some fun bedroom experiences.
Why should you say yes more, and what can you do to make yourself more willing to try things out? We take a look at the reasons why give you some handy hints to get you saying YES!
What we want
Apparently, not saying yes to your partner is one of the biggest things that people whinge about in the bedroom. They want to try new things and their ideas get shot down immediately, instead of talking about it and figuring out if you’d at least like to try it.
Saying “no” makes you seem like you just don’t want to put the effort in, and it can make you seem like you are really boring in bed. No one wants to be thought of as boring in bed, do they?
By saying “yes” you could change things. Even if you find that the thing you try isn’t for you, your partner will know you are open to new and exciting ideas. You can have more adventurous sex, instead of always doing the same routine.
It is a great way to kick start a whole new sex life for you. You will find that a cuddle in bed followed by missionary that is over in five minutes isn’t enough, and you’ll love the idea of trying something a little different.
Caveman days
The desire that our partner has for us to say yes for once isn’t something new. It is thought to go all the way back to the caveman days, when we were all thrill seekers looking for a little bit of novelty and variety in our lives.
Laura Berman, Ph.D., says that “variety is part of what keeps the spice alive in a relationship and men definitely need that.”
Of course, your partner won’t want you to do some that you don’t enjoy, but if you are at least open to the idea and willing to talk about it, they will appreciate it a hell of a lot. Just don’t flat out say no to them!
Give and take
Berman goes on to say that “sex is about a give and take”, which is true. You can’t just lie there and expect your partner to do everything. If you do, you’ll become known as the most boring person in bed… but you also can’t always take control. You partner might want to try some positions that allow them to be on top.
“At the end of the day,” Berman continues, “the best sex happens when you are connected and truly open about your needs and desires.”
In other words, you need to talk about it and try stuff out! Be a man, grow a pair, and ask, or listen to what your partner has to say and talk about it in more detail before you say “fuck no, I’m not doing that”.
How do you say yes?
It is all well and good me telling you to just say yes to things, but it is a lot easier said than done! For one, if your partner wants to whip you until you bleed, after you’ve spent your entire sex life believing they are submissive, you are well within your rights to say no. You don’t have to say yes to anything that you really don’t want to or you think you won’t enjoy, but be open to the idea.
Instead of saying “no”, you should give them an alternative. For example, instead of letting your partner whip you until you bleed, you could say that you are happy try some light sexy spanking with them to see how it goes. Try to find some middle ground so that you aren’t just saying “no” and leaving them disappointed.
Do you think you say “yes” enough in the bedroom? Is there anything that you absolutely would not do for your partner? I’m pretty open minded, but I expect that if a partner asked me to piss on them, I’d say no.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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