How to Overcome Performance Anxiety

December 12, 2013

Performance anxiety has become one of the greatest obstacles for men today; sexually and emotionally. For those who are battling with this, you are all too familiar with how debilitating the worrying can be. However, many do not realise how common performance anxiety is among men of all ages; almost all of us will suffer from this at some point in our lives.

How many times have you thought about your sexual performance? How long you lasted, how terrible you were in bed, what your partner thought of the sex, or a past sexual experience that didn’t go the way you had hoped for? We have compiled a brief guide that explains the reasons behind your worrying and ways to overcome it.

What is Performance Anxiety?

Anxiety is an emotion in which you over think the consequences of a possible future event, such as worrying about an up-coming interview or asking the waitress for her number. Performance anxiety is a specific anxiety which focuses on the potential failure to perform sexually and the perceived disastrous consequences.


Why do we Get It?

The main cause of anxiety is from the high expectations men face within our culture – this is due to the porn industry’s unrealistic display of sexual encounters and also how the media portrays the actions of men in the bedroom. These have subsequently led to the feeling that every man needs to excel at sex as a way of proving his masculinity. We then begin to add pressure on our shoulders that we carry with us to the bedroom.

Men set themselves up for performance anxiety by pushing themselves to reach expectations that are often impossible, or too difficult to reach. We view sex as goal-orientated, where erections and orgasms are the be all and end all of our sex lives. Not only are these expectations hard to live up to, but they work against the very nature of what sex is: an immense pleasure enjoyed by two people.

It’s (usually) all in your Head

For those who fail to reach climax during sex, there is usually no underlying physical problem. The problem is usually linked to the worries they have about not being able to perform, spending so much time worrying takes the mind away from the pleasures you are experiencing and makes it difficult to have an orgasm.

Insomnia. Problems in Bed

So, the first thing you need to realise is that worrying about your performance in the bedroom will only distract you from sexually interacting with your partner.  Those who worry spend less time thinking erotically and more time pondering about how their partner is judging the experience, why they are struggling to climax and what effect this is having on their relationship.

You then need to accept that you are not physically broken, and it’s not for life. It is the set of irrational thoughts which are creating this anxiety, and this is causing the lack of orgasms. For many, the biggest factor of your performance anxiety is the fear of what others are going to think of you, especially your sex partner. Some worry that their partner will leave, some worry that they will no longer be considered sexy and others worry that their masculinity will come into question. Talk to your partner about these fears, even if they don’t help put your mind at rest, your partner will be aware of the situation and can offer support where needed.

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Finally, you need to remember that you cannot control what others think of you. Will your partner compare you to her other sexual experiences?  What will she think if you can’t even reach a climax?  These thoughts are not worth thinking about. If the worrying is persistent, why not ask your partner outright? Hopefully her honesty will reassure you that your sex life is amazing, and if there are any problems it is all out in the open and can be easily resolved. You have complete control over your sexual experience, so work through any issues you have and learn to enjoy it again. To begin with, use your imagination to play out a scene where you partner is as aroused and stimulated as you are. It can really help boost your confidence when it comes to the real thing.

Talk to an Escort

If you have tried the above with no success, or if your anxiety last for more than a couple of weeks; it is time to consult a doctor. They are likely to refer you to a sex therapist that can help you talk through and overcome your insecurities. If the idea of talking to your doctor about your sex life makes you uncomfortable, the amazing escorts nearby are great listeners. These ladies are friendly, honest and are more than happy to give you advice or go for a drink and take your mind off your problems.

Martin Ward
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Martin Ward

Martin Ward is a well respected editor and writer with over five years experience in the adult industry. After stints in the Escort Advertising call centre and on the escort forum, he moved into the site editor position around three years ago.

Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.

When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
Martin Ward
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