Is Vanilla Sex Really The Norm?

October 7, 2018

Close up cropped shot of guy unfastening his lover`s bra, about to have sex, so tender, romantic, tempting, sensual. True love and feelings, gentle touch and caress, black lace lingerie

What do you think the norm is when it comes to sex? For most of us, we imagine vanilla sex. Vanilla sex has a reputation as ‘boring’. We think of it as the default of sex. You get into either the missionary or cowgirl position. If you are feeling spicy, you might go for doggy style to mix things up.

Either way, vanilla sex tends to require absolutely no fetishes or kinks. It is simple, making it perfect for those who don’t want to push their sexual boundaries. However, a recent study has suggested that vanilla might not be the norm when it comes to sex.

What is vanilla sex?

When it comes to sex, not everybody likes things to be kinky. Some want to keep it simple, taking out all of the twists and turns. They want to focus entirely on the pleasure of sex, and not the other things that can be included to enhance things.

Typically, vanilla sex means no extreme sex positions, no kinks, and no sex toys. It is sex, plain and simple. Just what it means to each person changes, however, which can make defining it a real challenge.

That said, Urban Dictionary does a fair job of it. You can read the definition below, and I feel that it is fairly accurate. Things like dirty talk and costumes aren’t a part of vanilla. It means in theory that couples can simply focus on the pleasure they feel.

Urban Dictionary's definition of vanilla sex

Original source: Urban Dictionary

Spice up your sex life!

Why do people both to steer clear of vanilla when the focus is on pleasure? Well, quite simply, it is because we all enjoy pleasure in different ways. Some would rather feel direct pleasure through sex, while others want to try something new and explore different things.

For example, I get a kick out of costume play. Role play is a huge turn on of mine, and it is even better when my partner enjoys it. I also quite like BDSM. Giving over control is sexy, and it can be just as hot to take control for yourself.

People might discover that simple sex just isn’t for them. They need something more, something to enhance the things that they feel during sex. Sex toys can help with that, as can the more extreme positions you might associate with the Kama Sutra.

Sometimes we need more

Original source: Tenor

Think kink

When we think about the sex that other people are having, we tend to assume that it is very vanilla, unless they tell us otherwise. However, one particular survey has suggested that we might actually be a lot kinkier than we think!

The study, conducted by Indiana University, looked into sexual diversity and discovered that things are different beneath the surface, and that America is kinky.

The study surveyed 2,021 adults. 975 were men, while 1,046 were women. Many of them reported interests outside of the norm when it comes to sex. Things like role play, public sex, and spanking were all pretty common. In fact, they were far more common than anyone believed, making the researchers believe that vanilla just isn’t the norm any more.

It seems that kink is more accepted in the bedroom now

Original source: Giphy

Is it accurate?

Of course, the problem with this is that they only spoke to 2,021 people. Not a lot to base your results on! It could also be that those two thousand people they spoke to were all very kinky and so not representative of the rest of the nation.

Unfortunately, many people still feel the need to keep quiet about sex. They don’t like opening up about it. They feel as though they might be judged for their interests, and so they’d rather keep their mouths shut instead of facing humiliation.

So is vanilla sex the norm any more? I’m not entirely sure. I think more and more of us are us willing to try new things in the bedroom, and so anything out of the norm can be deemed kinky. What are your thoughts? Share them in the comments!

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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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