Let’s Talk About Sex: Does ‘Normal’ Exist?

February 2, 2015

A good friend of mine, when in a group talking about sex, will constantly say “what is wrong with normal sex?” in response to anything that is slightly out of the ordinary for her. These things could be anal, spanking, and possibly anything that isn’t straight up missionary sex.

Writing blogs here has shown me a lot of different things about sex, but the most important is how I think about ‘normal’ sex. Does ‘normal’ sex even exist, or has it became just another term for the more boring and basic sex acts?

What do we mean by ‘normal’?

When talking about normal sex, first we have to look at what ‘normal’ is. What does ‘normal’ sex even mean?

The problem with this is that what may be normal to one person might be completely out of the ordinary for another. For example, I have very little patience for foreplay. It is okay for a little while, but then it drags on and I just want to get down to the good stuff.

A friend of mine, however, finds foreplay more enjoyable than sex, and so when he has sex it doesn’t last anywhere near as long as the foreplay did. So, normal for me is completely different to my friend.

With so many different practices in the bedroom, maybe we are best simply assuming that normal sex is the most basic sexual activity – such as missionary sex.

However, if we define normal sex as this, does that mean that even woman on top is an abnormal practice?


Fetishes are the things that turn people on that may not be enjoyed by others. For example, someone may get really turned on by the sight of some sexy feet in stockings, while someone else may find the idea of being repeatedly hit with a cane the hottest thing in the world.

Does that make these fetishists abnormal?

If you were to listen to the friend I mentioned in the first paragraph, yes. She thinks that BDSM, anal, and even lesbian sex are weird and “not normal” to do. Why? It’s all because she doesn’t understand the interest in them.

I’ll admit, before starting to work in this industry I was very closed minded and unadventurous with sex. I’d simply stick to the same position and same things over and over again in the hope that, somehow, the things I really wanted would just happen.

While I may not have a foot fetish or be interested in trying anal sex again, that doesn’t mean I think it is abnormal. What I find abnormal in the bedroom is an inability to ask and discuss what it is you really want, whether that is a new sex position or a good caning from your mistress, or the inability to look at some practises different to your own and think “okay, it’s not for me, but I understand it”.

Does ‘normal’ sex exist?

So… does ‘normal’ sex actually exist?

If you were to ask me, I’d say no. We are all, for the most part, more willing to try new things in the bedroom, and things like BDSM are more accepted now than they were before. If we are accepting these different preferences, we can’t start saying they are abnormal.

That said, I think that there are some practises that are more ‘normal’ than others, as more take part in them and enjoy them.

What do you think? Do you believe ‘normal’ sex exists in this modern world? Is it simply an illusion held by those who enjoy the simpler things in the bedroom? Answer by leaving your comment in the box below.

Lara Mills
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