Subspace: What Do You Need To Know?

September 23, 2018

Business couple engage in sex games as a means of relaxation and unwinding. Woman domination. Secret life concept

When I first began exploring BDSM, it was with someone who had a great deal of experience. If you could name it, the chances were that she had tried it. I felt safe with her not just because she had this experience, but because she was so eager to talk everything through with me first.

However, when she first mentioned subspace, I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. Even though I felt knowledgable about BDSM I was in the dark about this term. You might have already experienced it without realising it, so here’s everything you need to know about it.

What does subspace mean?

To some, the meaning behind the word is easy to explain. They might pass it off as a euphoric feeling, or simply the act of being submissive. However, it is so much more complicated than that, which is why it is so tough to understand as a concept.

It differs from person to person. This means that it could be completely different for you how it is for me. In my personal experience, subspace is when I become immersed in the scene. The rest of the world ceases to exist. It is simply me and my dominant partner. My focus is on them and only them. It makes me feel pretty damn amazing. It gives me feelings similar to the high of an orgasm.

For others, it might simply be the mentality they get into when they are submitting themselves. It could be that they enter into a trance, or it might simply be that they can easily forget all of their other problems and think only of the session.

Defining it is tough, as it is different for everyone

Original source: IX Daily

How does it feel?

Needless to say, it can be overwhelming to not only enter this space, but also to be brought back out of it. It is intense, leaving you feeling dizzy. There have been times when I have come out of it and found myself physically shaking with the intensity of it. Crying afterwards isn’t uncommon either because I have expended a lot of energy.

For the dominant partner, it can give them a real rush to see their sub in this space. They have given them a feeling like no other, one that is going to stick with their sub for a long time to come.

The connection between the top and bottom is going to strengthen as a result of it, and the senses of both can easily be heightened while in this state. While it is heighten for the sub because they are in the space, the dominant party will become more aware of their surroundings in an effort to protect their sub and keep them safe.

It can feel like a high to those who experience it

Original source: Make A Gif

The importance of aftercare

The subspace is such an intense experience that your sub can struggle with things like awareness of their surroundings and even making themselves heard. If they are really deep in the space, things like safe words can go out of the window, because you cannot physically say them. I have experienced this, and it is absolutely terrifying when it happens.

Thankfully, my dominant partner knew that something was wrong and stopped the scene immediately. They then began giving me aftercare to not only ease my anxiety, but also to bring me out of the subspace. I felt exhausted afterwards and cried because of how intense it had been. Once I had regained my senses, we talked about what had happened in great detail and with no judgement from my partner.

Being attentive and administrating aftercare is vital when it comes to the subspace. You might be waiting for a safe word which never comes, and if your sub tries to push for something not previously discussed, it is usually a sign that they are in too deep. Bring them gently back out of it, giving them the attention and care that they need, before you discuss it.

The drop out of the space can hit hard, so be there for your sub

Original source: Reddit

Your subspace experiences

As I said earlier, it is unique and different for each and every one of us. Entering the space for some might simply mean that they can turn their mind away from the problems that they have been facing in every day life. Others might find that it goes so much deeper than that.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with subspace. What does it feel like to you? Have you ever had issues getting out of the space? Let me know all about it by leaving a comment in the box below.

Lara Mills
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