Why Do We Fake It?

March 17, 2015

Sometimes, women fake orgasms. It’s something pretty much all men know, and yet a lot believe that their sexy lady has never faked it with them. Can we really spot the real from the fake?

As a woman, I will admit I have faked it. Many times, I’m ashamed to say. Every time has been for different reasons… so just why do women fake it, and what makes them fake it in the first place?

How many actually have orgasms?

The magazine Cosmopolitan recently conducted a survey into women’s orgasms, and asked 2,300 women questions about their sex lives. While this isn’t the largest sample, it should help to give us a rough idea of exactly what women want in bed.

One of the first questions they asked was about their own orgasms. 57% of the women surveyed said that they have an orgasm “most or every time they have sex with a partner”. That is actually a lot more promising than I thought it was going to be!

Then they take a look at the partners. Their findings suggest that 95% of those surveyed said that their partner had an orgasm “most or every time” they had sex.

However, this isn’t saying that their partners definitely have an orgasm 95% of the time. This is the women believing that their partner has an orgasm. Their partner could also be faking it.

Why don’t they orgasm?

In order to figure out just why the women don’t orgasm, they gave them multiple options and said they could choose as many of the ones that applied to them. As a result, we have some pretty interesting answers.

50% said that they felt they were “almost there but can’t quite get over the edge”, and a further 38% reported that they didn’t get enough clitoral stimulation, with 35% saying the stimulation they had wasn’t “the right kind”.

Quite a few reported that they thought too much about it, with 32% saying that they were “too in [their] own head or focused on how [they] look”. If you are thinking too much about your orgasm, or if you are feeling unsexy and trying to control your body in a way to be more appealing, your orgasm could elude you.

Seems to be pretty standard stuff, but then they take a look at their partners. How did their partners feel about their orgasm? 78% said that they believe their partner genuinely cares if they achieve orgasm, though 72% have also had a partner who would climax and then make no efforts to help them in their pleasure.

I think there are a lot of us out there who are part of the 72%. An old boyfriend of mine had genuinely no interest in whether I had an orgasm or not. It was all for his pleasure, which led to a lot of frustration on my part! It also led to a lot of faking it just to get it over with so I could play with my toy later.

Faking it

Now we got on to the vital part – how many people fake it and why do they do it? The results for this surprised me, with 33% saying they have never faked an orgasm. That means that 759 of the sexy women surveyed have never had to fake it. Lucky girls!

Just what was it that made the other 67% moan and groan during sex, even though they weren’t quite there?

For some, it was just to get it over with, as 27% of them said that they “knew [they] weren’t going to orgasm anyway” and so faked it. By faking it, their partner stops holding out for their orgasm and gets even more turned on by the noises they are making, shooting their load earlier.

However, 28% said that they did it for their partner. They wanted to make their “partner feel good” or “spare” their feelings, instead of leaving them feeling inadequate that they couldn’t get them off.

Surprisingly, 42% said they had been guilty of both before, and a further 3% simply gave their reason as “other”. “Other” could mean that it was a force of habit to fake it, or that it was part of a porn star experience sex session with their partner.

Making them come

Thankfully, it’s not all doom and gloom. There were still a high number of participants who reported having orgasms. It’s all well and good knowing just how many people fake it, and why, but what about those who do achieve orgasm? Is there anything we can learn from them that might help make sure we always get off in bed?

As you might imagine, a high number said that “masturbating with [their] hand or a sex toy” was the way to go, with 39% saying that this was how they came.

The next results are interesting. While 20% said that vaginal intercourse with some clitoral stimulation was how most of their orgasms happened, a further 15% percent reported that they didn’t need clitoral stimulation during sex to orgasm. That means 15% of women are lucky enough to have a partner who can find their g-spot. Result!

Foreplay also seemed to play a large part, with 12% saying oral sex was the way to go and 9% saying that a “partner using his/her hand” worked wonders for them.

Make her scream

You might be looking at these figures and wondering just how they apply to you. Honestly, you might be a talented man who can always get his partner gushing, but some out there struggle.

It seems that the main reason is not knowing what your partner needs to get off. The best way to fix this is to talk to your partner.

During foreplay and sex, ask them what feels good. Listen to their moans. If they start to get more intense, it means they are close to orgasm and you should continue doing what you are doing to get them there.

Talking afterwards is also a great way to open up. They might feel a little nervous before sex talking about their orgasm, but when you are both lying there exhausted in a post-sex haze, it is the perfect time to talk.

Lara Mills
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