Does Having Less Sex Make It Better?

August 27, 2018

Romantic cute couple in bed being intimate

We tend to judge how good our sex life is by how much sex we are having. If you are having more than your peers then you are winning. If not then it tends to be a sign to step up your game. However, it seems that having less sex might actually make your sex life so much better.

Why is that? Why might having less sex make a difference? I take a look at why this might be, and why the amount of sex you are having doesn’t matter as much as you think it does.

How much sex are we having?

We all have our own ideas about how much sex other people are having. If we were to guess then we’d probably imagine that most people are at it every other day. In fact, a recent study about the misconceptions people have regarding sex show that is exactly the case. We suspect young men, specifically those between the ages of 18 and 29, are at it roughly 180 times a year.

The reality is a lot different. As Bobby Duffy tells us on indy100, the numbers aren’t anywhere near this. “The more mundane reality”, they stated, is “around 50 times” each year. Nowhere near the 180 estimate we thought it was!

So it seems that how much sex we believe others are having just isn’t the same as how much they are actually having. We are guessing way above and beyond… but why is that?

We think people are having more sex than they are

Original source: Gurl

How do we get it wrong?

The main question that comes from these results is why are we getting it so wrong? Are we really believing that people are having sex at least 130 times a year more than they actually are? Apparently so… but what is causing this generous overestimate?

In their article, Duffy explains that “sex mostly happens behind firmly closed doors”, and so “we turn to other “authoritative” sources” to get information. Gossip makes us believe people are having more sex than they are, and because we don’t know otherwise, we assume that it is true.

I am guilty of exaggerating my sex life myself. With one of my ex-boyfriends, I let my friends believe that we were having amazing and mind-blowing sex at least three times a week, with one day at the weekend reserved purely for sex. This wasn’t the case. Instead it was once a week mediocre sex at best.

We get it wrong because we believe gossip

Original source: Giphy

Why the lies?

It happens all of the time. We’ll big up our sex lives to our friends, which is why the estimates people have for the amount of sex we have are so much higher. But what drives us to do that?

There are two simple explanations for this. The first is the image we want others to have of us. Especially in this social media reliant age, we want others to see us in a specific way. We paint a picture for them and hope that they believe it, which is why we might big up the amount of sex we are actually having.

The other reason is that we like to achieve more than others. We get competitive when it comes to things like sex, and so we want to be doing bigger and better things. If we can’t do that, then simply having more of it will have to do.

We lie about sex for so many different reasons

Original source: Belle of the Library

Less sex is better

You might be reading this and thinking “I could always have more sex”, but the fact of the matter is that having less sex might actually be better for you. That’s right, not having sex as often could do a hell of a lot to improve your sex life and your sexual pleasure.

If you have a lot of sex, it can become a chore. Most recently, lululobster11 posted about this on Reddit, explaining that they “used to have an obsession with having sex everyday”. They are not alone. A number of people become fixated on how much sex they should have, and the idea of having less sex makes them feel as though they are failing.

Turning sex into a chore makes is less pleasurable. Instead, you should focus on making the few times that you do have sex mind-blowing. Take turns initiating it, and simply enjoy it when you have it. If you aren’t in the mood, don’t feel as though you have to do it.

Sex doesn't have to happen every night

Original source: Your Tango

Less is more

When it comes to sex, sometimes less is more. When you have less sex you gain a greater appreciation of the act itself. You stop focusing so much on the number of times you have it, but instead how good it feels when you do.

Do yourself a favour and cut down on the number of times you have sex, especially if you think the numbers matter. It might make a huge difference to you and your partner. Got some other great times? Leave a comment below.

Lara Mills
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