How Much Sex Per Month Should We Be Having?

July 30, 2018

passionate woman in beautiful lingerie undressing her boyfriend in bed

It isn’t enough for us to have regular sex. Oh no. We want to make sure that we are having enough sex. We want to compare our sex lives to the sex lives of our peers to ensure that we are having enough sex per month. If not then we’ll just have to up the ante, won’t we?

There are two big questions on my mind. The first is just how much sex should we be having, according to science? The second is does it actually matter if the amount of sex we have per month doesn’t match up with the rest of the world?

How much sex do we have?

Most of us will be happy to admit that the amount of sex we have changes over time. In the beginning of a new relationship we might have more than ever, and effectively be at it like rabbits. The rest of the time, however, we tend to put sex on the back burner.

Life has a way of interrupting our sex lives. We might find ourselves too busy for a romp beneath the sheets. Work stresses make us want to just relax and unwind instead of fuck. Being an adult is hard. We’d rather just spend our time in bed with a sexy companion but instead we have to do boring things like pay bills and shop for groceries.

Yet in conversation with our peers, most of us aren’t so eager to admit just how little sex we have at times. We’ll give the impression that we are still getting it and that everything is fine, but there are times when it most certainly is not. We just don’t want others to know this. Why? Does how much sex we have per month really matter so much?

For most people, sex is a big part of a relationship

Original source: Giphy

How much should we have?

This is a difficult question to answer, simply because there are so many different answers out there. If you Google “how much sex should you have” you’ll get a huge array of responses, varying massively between “have all of the sex all of the time” and “once a month is totally okay”.

For example, this article on The New Paper tells us that a study back in 2009 claims eleven times per month is the right number in order for couples to be happy. They then state that “unhappily married women have sex only three to four times a month”.

If that has left you feeling a bit shit, don’t worry. According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, there is no “right amount”. In their words “every couple is different”, and that the perfect frequency “is one that satisfies both partners”.

Sex should feel good for everyone involved

Original source: Giphy

So… how much per month?

I know what you’re waiting for. You’re waiting for me to go “I have the solution!”. You think that I might be hiding the real answer to how much sex you should have per month until the very end of this blog to try and keep you in suspense. Sorry folks, but there is no right answer here.

There have been hundreds of studies into this topic throughout the years and nobody can agree on the answer. Some suggest that one night of mind-blowing sex a month is enough to keep you satisfied, while others like the 2009 one mentioned above claims you need eleven rounds each month.

It all depends on you, and even if you do try to go for more sex you might find that it isn’t any more satisfying than it was before. The amount doesn’t matter so much as how much you and your partner enjoy it.

Focus on enjoying sex, rather than how much you are having

Original source: Sawtona

How to increase satisfaction

This is where I use the c word. That’s right… communication. What other c word would I mean? No matter what is going on in your relationship, 99% of your problems can be solved by talking about it. It is the same when it comes to sex.

Not enjoying sex so much? Talk to your partner. It’s such a simple thing to do but it will really make a huge difference. It might feel awkward at first but you’ll love the change it brings about.

Do you think that the amount of sex you have per month makes a difference? Let us know your thoughts on this by leaving a comment in the box below. Join in the discussion and tell us all about it!

Lara Mills
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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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