How To Open Up About Your Fetish

November 30, 2015

When you have a fetish it can be difficult to fully explore it, especially if the people in your life aren’t quite as understanding about it as you would hope they would be. For a lot of people, they find a range of fetishes disgusting and simply don’t get the appeal of them, which can make getting the confidence to actually talk about what it is you really want in bed tough. You want to be able to freely explore your fetish, which is why dominatrix escorts are so popular. They won’t judge you in the same way that others do.

However, you might still want to talk to someone about your fetish and try to discover all of the amazing things that you can do with it. That’s why, here on the XEscorts blog, we have created our guide to opening up and talking about your fetish, and what you need to do to be able to openly enjoy your fetish with the important people in your life.

Starting the conversation

Perhaps the hardest thing about opening up about your fetish is the fear. You are scared that your partner will not understand and want nothing to do with the fetish at all, or you think they might reject you completely as they find your fetish completely disgusting and so never want to see you again.

It seems very doom and gloom when you put it like that, but it is a very real fear. We overthink it, which is one of the biggest dangers, as we get ourselves so worked up over the idea of actually talking about our fetish that we manage to convince ourselves not to.

But starting the conversation is actually quite easy when you choose the perfect moment. You might always find an excuse, such as being too tired or too stressed, but it really is just like ripping off a plaster – the sooner and quicker you do it, the less painful it will be.

First, you should try to figure out when your partner is most at ease and open to talking about sex. For most people, this is usually right after sex. If she’s had a few orgasms at this point, even better, as she will be much more open to hearing what you have to say.

Explain that it is a hard topic for you to talk about, and that if they have questions you will do your best to answer them. Then, explain what your fetish it. Say something like “I’ve always wanted to try (insert fetish here) with you”, as it shows that you don’t just want to have this fetish shared with anyone. It makes it much more special, and if you give them time to ask you questions about your fetish, they will find it easier to understand it.

Give them time

Once they have asked their questions and you have given them the best answers that you can, you might need to give them a little time to digest the information. Learning that your partner has a fetish they have been hiding for so long can be difficult to come to terms with, so give them their space.

Most of the time, your partner will use the space and time you give them to do their own research. They might want to know more about the fetish or even be eager to see how the fetish can play out, which is a good sign for you. It means they are least interested in considering and trying it with you.

They may even come to you asking for good websites for their research, so point them in the right direction. However, unless they say that they want to look at them with you, give them space. They might want to explore on their own, and having you sitting next to them and looking over their shoulder just adds more pressure, which is the last thing you want to do.

When they have had enough time, they might come and talk to you. They might have done their own research, only to have more questions for you about the specifics of the fetish. Again, try to answer as best you can to help them understand. However, if they say that they aren’t interested, let them know that it is okay and you are just thankful they listened. There will be plenty of other kinky things for you to do in bed together.

Trying it out

Some of you may be incredibly lucky and have a partner so understanding and open to new ideas that they want to try it out with you, but before you go jumping straight to it, talk about the details.

First of all, talk through exactly how you want to do it. Make sure your roles in this are clear, and that they know not only what they can expect from you, but also what you should expect from them. It makes the chances of something going wrong and leaving things uncomfortable so much slimmer, and you are much more likely to have a good time instead.

You should also decide on a safe word. Yes, this is something we talk about a lot in relation to fetishes, but it is hugely important and isn’t something you should just gloss over and ignore because you feel it is talked about too much. It means that, should your partner change their mind partway through, they have a way to stop the action and talk about it.

Remember, just because your partner has agreed to try your fetish doesn’t mean they have to do it all of the way through. They are free to change their mind, but make sure you talk about it afterwards to understand why. You don’t want to resent them for it.

Have you talked to a partner about a fetish? Did you find it easy or difficult? Was their reaction what you expected? Share your story in the comments.

Lara Mills
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