How Do I Know If My Partner Is Cheating?

March 20, 2014

There are various signs of spotting a cheating partner but before we delve into that, let’s have a look at the types of cheating out there.

It’s generally agreed that there are two types of cheating namely emotional and physical. When discussing about these two types of cheating, it’s viewed quite differently by different individuals.


Types of Cheating


Emotional cheating usually happens when there’s reliance in another party. These relationships are usually built up through time, and started off as colleagues and/or as friends. You find yourself wanting to share with this other person an upcoming new movie title, a common song you heard together, or the coffee he mentioned he liked.

You realize that first person you wish to share about the argument with your spouse/partner, or a heated argument at work is him/her. As time goes by, the depth of reliance and habitual existence becomes a form of cheating emotionally. At this point of time, a lot of infatuation is involved.

Some partners are able to tolerate such cheating as there was no physical involvement. There are also partners who felt that such emotional cheating was a way of spicing up otherwise stale bedroom activities. Others frowned upon it, feeling that this is considered as worse off than physical cheating as real feelings were involved, meaning that the original spark shared between the couple is long lost cause.


Such cheating can be an extension of emotional cheating, or for some, an impromptu sexual gratification. Some men view such cheating as a boost to his ego, while for woman, it usually happens out of loneliness, or having the sense of conquering others. In general, physical affairs that happen for woman comes tied in with feelings involved and often started off from emotional reliance while for man, it’s not a pre-requisite. Cheating physically for man is usually triggered off by visual attraction, or sexual lust.

As it could be viewed as a one off affair, some partners are able to accept the fact of a physical affair, with assurance that no feelings were involved and it were to never happen again. There are also others that insist such affairs are not tolerated as there was physical involvement, and they got disgusted at the thought of sharing a same partner in bed with others.

Conflict between man and woman

Signs of Cheating

The signs shared below are in general. It also depends on the typical behaviour of your partner before using these signs to access if he or she is cheating or not.

1) Gut instinct
2) Changes in working schedule such as working late a lot more often, dinner, gatherings and overseas trips etc
3) Starts to hang out a lot more with friends you weren’t familiar with
4) Grows cold and distant, and disinterested to share the day or talk to you
5) Always too busy to chat on the phone with you, or reply your messages
6) Smiles at his phone and turns it away from you when reading messages/emails
7) Starts to password protect his mobile and computer
8) Keeps credit card bills away from you
9) Decides to give a weird reason for not wearing wedding ring anymore
10) Bedroom activities are decreasing tremendously
11) Never free for you anymore
12) Showers immediately after reaching home
13) Smells of unfamiliar cologne/perfume
14) Takes sudden interest in appearance such as hairstyle, clothes, shoes, etc
15) Gets argumentative and starts petty fights for no reason whatsoever
16) Becomes judgemental of the way you look, dress, talk etc
17) Shuts computer screen whenever you are near
18) Starts mentioning about another person frequently
19) Mood swings whereby he’s loving and caring to you one day and becomes distant and cold the next
20) Receive strange calls at home or on your partner’s mobile where the caller hangs up without speaking, or states that it’s wrong number


If you do notice the signs above and suspect that your partner is cheating on you, what do you do? Let’s face it. Nobody wishes to be caught in a situation and some may choose not to believe in it.

When confronting your partner, be rational and reasonable. Speak in a manner whereby your partner understands that you wish to work things out and not in a manner where it makes the other party defensive. Have a good conversation to find out about why and how it started, and at the same time, stay calm so that you can decide how you wish to continue the relationship.

As mentioned above, there are two types of cheating; emotional and physical.

If your partner is having an emotional affair, it’s important to talk through it before it becomes a physical relationship. You’ll have to find out the cause of this affair. Could it be something you did not do or did too much of? Were you always too harsh or critical of the thoughts or actions of your partner, making it difficult for them to speak to you? Perhaps you were neglecting the relationship and loneliness was felt?

Can You Fix the Problem?

If there’s an agreement to end the emotional affair and you are able to accept and forgive that, the root cause of the affair must be worked on by both parties through lots of work and open communication.

Boss and him secretary

If your partner is having a physical affair, you’ll have to decide if it’s something you can accept, forgive and move on, or does it spell the end of the relationship. For some cheating partners, they understand that having physical affairs is reaching the point of no return, and they’re accepting of the fact that the original relationship will have to end when they are found out.

If you do decide to forgive your partner (for whatsoever reason such as it was a drunk one-off physical affair with no emotions attached), it’s imperative for the couple to go through counselling to make the relationship work.

It definitely wouldn’t help if the relationship is continued with lots of accusations, suspicions, hurt and grief.

Martin Ward
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