Man Caught Having Sex With a Tree

April 21, 2015

In what has to be the most bizarre story I have read for a while, a man from the USA has found himself in a bit of trouble after being caught having sex with a tree.

Kenneth Crowder, 41, of Melbourne, Florida also told police he was God, survived being tasered twice, and grabbed a cop by his badge, all of this whilst high as a kite on a new powerful drug called ‘flakka’.

According to the police report, Mr Crowder was spotted by witnesses running through the streets, before screaming he was God, and then having sex with a tree.


When police came to speak to him, he stated that he was God, and approached them aggressively.

The officer then tasered him, yet he was able to pull the probes out of his body and continued to advance. He was then tasered again, but once again removed the probes, and came at the officer with clenched fists.

This sounds like really powerful shit!

The officer then punched Crowther in the face, and they began to fight, with Crowder stating he was Norse God ‘Thor’. He also tried to stab the policeman with his own badge.

Other officers then came and helped subdue Mr Crowderer (that probably should read kick the crap out of him, if you go by the huge black eye on his mugshot )

He has been charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting with violence and assault with a deadly weapon on law enforcement officer. One suspects he is going to be doing quite a bit of time.

Flakka is a variation of synthetic substances known as bath salts, and gives the user a high, whilst acting as an amphetamine. The drug can be snorted, smoked or swallowed, and often makes users prone to violence.

The active ingredient in flakka, however, has not yet been banned.

“We have spoken to some medical professionals here and they are starting to see an increase in its use (in Brevard County),” Melbourne police spokesman Dan Lynch said.

“It’s already in South Florida, and we think it’s coming here.”

Sex With a Tree?

Well, I have to say, I have never really been into drugs. However, if there is a substance that makes me want to have sex with a tree, say I’m God, and then try and bash up a policeman, then it probably isn’t something I should be taking.

Now at the risk of sounding weird, how do you have sex with a tree? I heard about a guy having sex with a car exhaust and that kind of makes sense (well it doesn’t, but you know what I mean) A tree; where do you stick your penis? Maybe I’m overthinking this one?

All I can say is keep away from drugs folks. If you don’t, then you could end up on the pages of the XEscorts blog.

Martin Ward
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