The 5 Strangest Sex Accessories You Can Buy

January 22, 2016

The internet has meant that the world of sex has exploded. Instead of everything being kept behind closed doors and secret, many people are throwing open the doors and letting people into their kinky worlds. They want to show that sex is normal, and that talking about it will show just how normal it is. Everyone is doing it. Whether you simply enjoy some vanilla sex, some kinky toys or some sex accessories you can’t live without, as long as you are having hot consensual sex with another adult it isn’t a big deal… is it?

We get that sometimes, people want to try new things in the bedroom. They are eager to spice things up and add that little something special to their sex lives to make them less routine and more fun. Sex toys are a great way of doing this, but some people want to try something completely new. Instead, they are opting for kinky sex accessories. Sex accessories can be anything from the sexy lingerie you wear to turn them on to more unusual things. We take a look at the five strangest sex accessories you can buy.

The Erectile Quality Monitor

Men are under a lot of pressure as it is to impress with their penises. So many will panic that their cock isn’t big enough, wide enough, or hard enough to satisfy their partner.

It seems that someone out there has decided that, actually, you do. They have created the Erectile Quality Monitor (EQM for short) to tell you whether the erection you have is enough to actually satisfy. Basically, you are told to get yourself hard “via your stimuli of choice” and then put the machine over the head of your penis, pushing it in towards your body “for a count of 5 seconds or until the penis inflects”. In simple terms, until your penis starts to bend. Then the helpful LED lights on top will tell you where your penis stands.

A blue light on the top means that your erection is of “outstanding quality”, according to their guide, and so it is “good for great sex”. Green means adequate, and is “suitable for penetration”. Yellow is for a weak erection, where “penetration is possible with help of hand”. Red, as you might have guessed, means your erection is of a “low quality”. If you get red, you are instructed to “please consult your physician or urologist”.

The machine costs 676SEK, so it isn’t one of the cheaper sex accessories out there. Not only that, but we are sure it will tell you something you already know. If you suspect your cock might not be standing to attention as it should, go and see your doctor instead of buying a machine that you will use for all of five seconds.

The corset for your cock

Cock rings are one of the most popular sex toys out there. They help to keep you harder for longer, and they can actually help to delay your orgasm, when used correctly. Some people even choose to wear them as a fashion accessory and nothing more.

Lately, it seems that there have been new versions of cock rings hitting the market, but these ones aren’t really for using to keep your cock standing to attention and ready.

One in particular will set you back 659SEK, and basically looks like a gold or silver corset that you put at the base of your cock… because we all know that your dick needs a slender waist, right? One part of the corset slips around your balls and cock while you tie the other around your dick, keeping the corset in place and making your dick like it should be going to the ball in a pumpkin carriage.

What’s that smell?

We all have that one smell that turns us on the most. We will be out somewhere and suddenly it hits us, making us turn towards the source. Usually, it is a specific perfume or aftershave that gets to us, but other people have more unusual tastes.

For some, the smell of sweat is a turn on. They find that it reminds them of those days in the gym, watching the sexy woman in tight yoga pants squatting before them and sweat running down her back. Well, did you know you can actually buy these fragrances as perfumes?

Yes, you can buy the more “unique” fragrances to spray on yourself or your partner in the bedroom. You can get some with the hint of urine, for those interested in water sports, one that smells like armpit, or one that smells like librarian for those fantasies you always wanted to try out.

The problem is, wouldn’t you rather have the authentic smell? If you love watersports and being urinated on, would it not be better to lie back in the bath and let your mistress squat over you? Wearing the perfume seems a little bit too much like cheating and taking the easy way out.

The teddy bear vibrator case

If you have a lot of sex toys, you’ll want to ensure you have a discreet place to keep them. Many people have things like leather cases to keep them in, with a padlock to stop nosy people seeing things that they shouldn’t.

An unusual, but popular, case for your vibrators comes in the form of a teddy bear. He looks like any other teddy bear, but he hides a secret. When you open up his back, you’ll find plenty of space in there to hide your favourite sex toys.

To be fair to them, a teddy bear is the last place that most people would look for a vibrator, but keeping a teddy bear at the side of your bed for those lonely nights is a little bit strange. I think I’ll stick to my hand carry case with the lock.

Artificial hymen

There are some toys and sex accessories that just read and think “this has to be fake”, and the big one for me is the fact that you can buy artificial hymen kits so that you can “kiss your deep dark secret goodbye” and trick your partner into thinking you’re a virgin when a little bit of blood comes out during sex.

Each kit comes with two fake hymens. One is for use on the night, while the other is a practice hymen to see if you can use it properly.

The problem with this is that a woman can tear her hymen at any point. It can even be done during exercise, and for a lot of women, they don’t bleed the first time they have sex. Also, people have sex. It really isn’t that big of a deal what they get up to behind closed doors, so instead of worrying about whether they bleed or not, these people need to think about safe sex instead.

Strange sex accessories

We get that, sometimes, you just want something new and exciting to spice things up in the bedroom. However, while there are plenty of great sex accessories out there, there are some that are just bizarre, strange, and totally unnecessary to our sex lives. We can, quite frankly, manage without them.

Have you found a sex accessory that is even more bizarre than the ones we’ve listed above? Have you ever had experience with those in our 5 strangest sex accessories you can buy blog? We really want to hear from you, so share your experience with us!

You can let us know what you think, whether you see a use for these items or you just think they are strange, by leaving a comment in the box below.

Lara Mills
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