The Worst Oral Sex Excuses!

April 7, 2015

There are women out there who love nothing better than sucking dick. They enjoy doing it, and seeing the look on their partner’s face when they do it (along with the noises they make while they are going at it) is a huge turn on.

Yet there are people out there who hate doing it. They don’t enjoy anything about it, from the taste and smell to the feeling of your aching jaw when the man just won’t release his load.

Fair enough, some people simply don’t enjoy giving head… yet it seems that women out there are looking for the perfect excuses to get out of giving a blowjob. We take a look at the most outrageous and ridiculous.

Mouth problems

One website had given a list of the best ways to avoid oral sex, and after reading them I’m feeling stunned at the ridiculous excuses people are coming out with. Instead of growing some balls, sitting their partner down and explaining exactly what it is they don’t like, it seems some women are hitting the internet for excuses.

The excuses go from weird to weirder. The first is “you have a painful canker sore”, which they elaborate on by saying “and nothing but half-melted chocolate ice cream is going down your gullet”.

They also say that lying about your lunch is a good idea, and suggest that saying “you ate some curry chili with cayenne and a shot of hot sauce on the side” is good, because you can then go on to say that you “don’t want to set his dick on fire with your breath”. Charming.

Another excuse that seems to be popular is sharp teeth. Obviously saying this to any man will make them want to keep your mouth away from their cock in case it accidentally gets bitten off… and we all know how big a fear that is for men!

Throat things

Of all of the excuses I’ve seen, these are the most reasonable. They are things that can probably happen, but people are simply taking it to the extreme.

The website suggests telling them that you have a sensitive gag reflex. Yes, it is possible to have such a sensitive gag reflex that you could be sick and choke on dick, but the chances are if you have done it a few times and not gagged then you are lying!

Another possibility is lockjaw, the website tells us. Yes, lockjaw is a real thing that can happen, but again the possibilities are small. However, the website goes on to say that you should say “you’re worried about TMJ and don’t want his package to become victim.” Taking it slow and steady and never going too far is a good way to avoid it, if you really are worried.

Ridiculous excuses

Now we get onto the truly bizarre! Some of the above reasons could be true in weird circumstances, but these are just genuine excuses. The first explains about teeth whitening. You should say that “your pearly whites are otherwise engaged” and that “those white strips you shelled out a ton of money for are perfectly in place and you don’t want to risk messing them up”. This is apparently the person way to avoid sucking cock.

Want to avoid mouth strain? They also suggest that singing in church the next day is another great excuse. “You’re going to be singing in God’s house, so you shouldn’t have any dairy the night before.” Yes, really.

The final excuse is just ridiculous. They want you to play on narcolepsy, suggesting that you might actually fall asleep with your mouth around cock.

These might be terrible excuses, but we bet they aren’t the worst you’ve ever heard. If you can beat it, share it!

Lara Mills
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