Why Do We Pay For Sex?

May 8, 2015

The way people talk about the subject, you would think those who pay for sex are the most despicable and evil people in the world. But is that really the case?

The short answer? No. Here on the XEscorts blog we take a look at what paying for sex is really like, and just why people feel the desire to do it in the first place.

The stigma of selling sex

The sex industry has a lot of stigma surrounding it. Talking to anyone about the industry usually ends up with lots of talk about the stigma rather than the actual facts. But before we talk about why people buy sex, we need to look at those who sell it.

For many not in the know, selling sex is the same as selling your body and your soul. They believe you have no self-worth, and so you are getting your self-esteem by selling your body to others.

They believe that those selling it don’t have a choice, or that they have no other options open to them. They think the job is as simple as lying on your back and doing nothing while some guy does horrible and unthinkable things to you.

The truth is very different. We know that selling sex isn’t just about the act itself – it is about companionship and closeness, and the connection you can feel with someone else. In fact, one of the most popular things you can experience with an escort is the girlfriend experience, where they will make you feel as though you are with a girlfriend and not a stranger.

Those selling sex aren’t selling their bodies or souls, because that suggests the only thing going for them is the fact that they can have sex. They also have a lot more self-worth than that, as they are the ones who choose just how much you pay for their time and companionship, as well as what they are happy to do and what they absolutely will not do. Try to force them into something they don’t want and you’ll find yourself out of their quicker than you can speak.

The stigma of buying sex

Purchasing sex, when you think of stigma that surrounds the selling of it, is not seen as just as bad as it. No, it is actually seen as worse than selling it in the first place.

If you were to think that all those selling sex have very few options about what they do during their dates, it makes those visiting them and spending time with them seem like monsters. How could they do something like that with someone who doesn’t want to do those things?

There is also the idea that those buying sex are all deviants and creeps who can’t get it anywhere else. Last year a famous sports star said that, if the clients just had a shower, a shave, and went to the pub, then they wouldn’t have to buy sex.

Again, we look back at the power those selling sex have. They have complete control over the things they want to do. Often, if a client approaches then about a service they don’t provide, they will tell them they don’t do it. It isn’t simply a case of the client demanding it and getting it. In fact, if the escort doesn’t provide that service, they won’t get it from them.

A lot of those who do spend time with escorts actually can quite easily have sex with others without any money changing hands. They simply prefer the company of escorts, as sex with other people just doesn’t compare to the experience they could have.

Why do people sell sex?

The stigma suggests that those who sell sex do it because they are lost, confused, and in need of saving. Of course, taking a look at the RightsNotRescue tag on Twitter and Tumblr tells you a completely different story.

Many of them report that they do it because it is empowering and they enjoy the work that they do. Shock horror, right? The idea of people enjoying having sex and being paid to do it is terrifying for many, and that’s why they often want to “rescue” them.

However, sex workers aren’t looking to be saved. They want to have rights like everyone else does in their work. They want to know that, if things go wrong, they have the support in place for things to be made okay again.

The hours they work, the fact that they can choose their own hours, is a huge plus. Being able to say yes or no to clients based on whether they like the sound or look of them is also a great advantage of theirs, and they never have to say yes just because they are under pressure to get the work done.

Why do we pay for sex?

Just as with selling sex, there are many different reasons for people to put their hands in their wallet to purchase sex. One of the big comparisons we see is between a date with a sex worker and a one night stand.

On a one night stand, you both tend to be full of alcohol. That means communication between you and what you want might not necessarily be clear. It also means the chances of having safe sex are reduced, as the booze can cloud your mind and make you forget just what you were planning on doing to protect yourself.

With a sex worker, you are in safe hands. Safe sex is a must, and bareback is seriously frowned upon in the industry. You will also have discussed beforehand exactly what it is you are hoping for from this encounter, meaning it will be a hell of a lot more fun.

Going to a professional when you want a certain service is the best way to go. Trying out domination for the first time can be nerve-wracking, which is why visiting a dominatrix is such a good idea. They will expertly guide you through your session and leave you feeling relaxed and at ease with the things you have done together.

The same can be said about those looking to try out the more unusual fetishes. In a relationship you have to sit down and properly discuss it, while hoping they won’t say no to trying it. The nature of their job means that sex workers are some of the most open minded people you will find, and so judgement isn’t something you will experience when you’re spending time with them.

Ultimately, people choose to purchase sex for a variety of reasons. They aren’t sexual deviants who need criminalising. They are just people wanting to experience a good time and know just where to go to get it.

What is your reason for buying sex? Is it to feed your fetish and have some fun with a sex worker, or do you do it for the company? Let us know by leaving a comment in the box below and seeing what others are saying on this hot topic.

Lara Mills
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