When Love is a Battlefield – A Guide to Safe Sex

February 5, 2016

Take a moment to imagine Utopia: Free love, no diseases and babies come from a friendly stork that has sensible timing. Now come back to reality because real talk, as much as heaven can be a place on earth, sex has two possible outcomes: pleasure or regret.

The Wu-tang Clan, an American hip-hop group from New York may not be doctors but they are wise to remind you: Protect your neck! Whatever did they mean by that?

Remember when you were young, it was winter and your elders would advise you to: Put on a hat! Button up! But you were naive, foolish and you didn’t listen. What happened? Uh-huh, you fell prey to the elements. You caught a cold and then you shared it with everyone else and people got sick because of you. Not cool.

Okay, you were a kid and you had to learn the hard way and because of that, you wised up. Now you know when the weather is bitter, it’s best to layer up with more than one layer. Sometimes a hat isn’t enough, you’ve got to put on some long underwear and wrap a wool scarf around that neck of yours. That’s called prevention and congratulations, you’ve taken responsibility for your actions because you’ve learned that the alternative is sickness which in turns also infects those around you.

Unfortunately, our bodies don’t have a, ‘Check Engine Soon’ light

Your body is a vehicle and if you’ve had a car or motorcycle then you know, you have to check its fluids. Some diseases have obvious symptoms so yeah, pissing razorblades will substitute as that light. Yet some diseases are silent so don’t think that having no symptoms is good news. On the contrary, a lot is happening ‘down there’ and you require the expertise and maintenance of a medical professional to assure you that your fluids are balanced.

Did you know that the most prevalent STD is HPV and that there are numerous silent strands? Don’t be scared! G.I. JOE was right when he said: Knowing is half the battle and Pat Benetar was wise beyond her years when she sang, love is a battlefield. Thanks to Mad Science you can dodge that bullet with a HPV vaccination!

If you’re playing the field with a partner that has HIV, you can talk to your doctor about using Pre-Exposure Prophylaxi (PrEP). This pill can lower the risk of getting HIV if you take it everyday. Woooow, science is sexy and it knows it. You should be too and cover your bases with its help before attempting a home run.

Now that you know your vehicle’s status, you’re working with knowledge. If your partner doesn’t know their status, you’re swimming in shark infested waters. This is like dancing with someone who doesn’t know how to step, inadvertently they will step on you. It takes two to tango that being said, it’s best to choose a partner that cares as much about the steps as the dance itself.

Back to Wu-tang and your grandmother’s advice: Protect your neck and put on a hat! Wearing a condom is not the sexiest but hey, neither are sexually transmitted diseases. If you don’t know your partner’s sexual history, wrapping up that present is the best gift you can give yourself. But don’t stop with just one form of protection. Recall how you’d put on a hat, a scarf and long underwear? Yeah, you learned that you need to layer up to keep protected from the elements.

Rock out with your cock out and wrap it up!

Using a condom and spermicide lets that Stork know that this is NOT the time. Make sure your partner is using birth control too so that she’s telling the universe the same message you are! Some lubricants comes with spermicide. Lubricant and condoms go together like bread and butter.

Lubricant makes condoms slippery and less likely to break and it cuts down on that dry friction that most people find irritating with condoms. CAUTION: Never use an oil-based lube with a latex or non-latex rubber condom. Use only silicone-based or water-based lube with latex and non-latex condoms. Your welcome in advance.

Let’s take a moment to dispel some safe sex myths. Oral and Anal Sex are not necessarily safer sex. On the contrary, your anus and mouth are just as susceptible to disease. When it comes to HIV, oral sex is safer than vaginal or anal sex. But herpes, syphilis, hepatitis B, gonorrhea and HPV can be passed through oral sex. So go on and use a condom, sheer glyde or dental dam to make your oral sex as safe as possible.

What’s a Sheer Glyde of a Dental Dam? I’m glad you asked, they help prevent skin to skin contact. Dental dams are small, thin, square pieces of latex that are used during dental work. They can be placed on the vulva or anus before you use your mouth, lips and tongue in that vicinity. Like condoms, they dam your partner’s bodily fluids. The Sheer Glyde has been given the FDA approval and like dental dams, they are available for purchase online and in select drugstores.

Curiosity may have killed the cat but it can save your pussy’s life!

Take a look at all the STD’s and in the ways they’re spread.

VAGINAL OR ANAL INTERCOURSE W/O A CONDOM — HIGH RISK FOR PASSING

chancroid
chlamydia
cytomegalovirus (CMV)
genital warts
gonorrhea
hepatitis B
herpes
human immunodeficiency virus (HIV)
human papilloma virus (HPV)
pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
pubic lice
scabies
syphilis
trichomoniasis

ORAL SEX W/O A CONDOM — HIGH RISK FOR PASSING

CMV
gonorrhea
hepatitis B
herpes
syphilis
HPV

SKIN-TO-SKIN SEXUAL CONTACT W/O SEXUAL INTERCOURSE — RISKY FOR PASSING

CMV
herpes
HPV
pubic lice
scabies

I’m proud that you’ve made it to the end of this article. For real, it shows your commitment to acquiring vital information and all the tools that you need to play it smart, safe and sexy. Now it’s up to you to employ prevention through mindfulness and safe sex. Ultimately, you’re a sexy pirate sailing the high seas on the look out for booty not scurvy.

It was Soft Cell that sang, “Touch me, baby, tainted love. Touch me, baby, tainted love.” Let it be their hit song, not your sexual soundtrack.

Gabriella Zene
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