My Sex Diary – Part Ten
August 15, 2016
I wanted to be an animal with him. I wanted him to rub my cunt hard until I climaxed all over his fingers.
I got into the most exotic positions that I could think of to keep Marcos hard all night, and he fucked me in the roughest way that he could think of to keep my pussy wet.
Last night was ecstatic, but immoral.
And do you want to know what the worst thing was, my dear diary?
I didn’t use a condom.
Thursday 1st February
The thought of Marcos fucking me that night still hasn’t left my mind; I could still feel him sliding in and out of my warm cunt. It’s strange, if I fucked a complete stranger instead, I wouldn’t feel as bad as I do now.
But it was Marcos. Out of all of the people that I could have bedded, I’ve chosen him; the man that I’ve turned down for Andreo.
I shouldn’t have said yes when he asked me to meet him, it was stupid, but there was something deep inside my gut that said,
‘Yes, yes, go out with him. You need to go out.’
Am I not happy with the way things are going with Andreo? If I’m being honest, I haven’t had any arguments with him, any disputes, or any awkward silences whatsoever; everything is good. Our trip to Granada was fantastic, our mini dates together were lovely, and the sex was great. Hmm…
All that I’ve been doing all day was sitting inside and drinking coffee while the rain was pouring down, like a young girl crying in silence. I filled my sketchbook with lines that were created by my careless hand and my muddy mind; I had no desire to finish another project that a client wanted me to do today.
Maybe it’s because I’ve haven’t eaten much today either. I’ve haven’t had any hunger pangs or desire to put something sweet or savoury in my mouth. In fact, I’ve been feeling the opposite whenever I saw a piece of food.
From the moment he came walked through the door after work, Andreo noticed that I wasn’t myself. He softened his voice and wrapped his arms around my waist as if he was holding something precious. I don’t feel precious, my dear diary, I feel like dirt.
He tenderly took me to the dining room table, poured us another cup of coffee, and talked about things that you could only discuss with close friends or strangers; things about emotions, people, lifestyles, and life overall. That conversation was more unusual than me thinking about Marcos.
Nevertheless, out of all of the shit that’s going on in my head right now, I still had the will and urge to undress in front of Andreo, pull out his cock, and gently pushed my pussy down on top of him as I began to ride him on the wooden chair. The sound of the rain pattering against the window, and the muted blue lighting glowing on the tiled floor made me feel calm and numb at the same time, even though I felt my juices wetting his dick once more.
The look on Andreo’s face made me feel warmer on the inside; he looked as if felt something cool but euphoric at the same time. I didn’t feel like cumming as I wanted to give him pleasure.
I guess it’s a weird way of compensating the one night stand that I’ve committed with Marcos. I slowly grind my hips on his pelvis, while he sucked on my nipples like a butterfly drinking nectar from a flower.
My hands surfed through his hair and his hands explored my back, until he dug his nails into my skin, leant his head into the crevice of my neck, and thrust his cock further into my cunt. He let a soft grunt escape his lips, and I let him fill me with his cum.
Fuck, I let him fill me with his cum.
Tuesday 6th February
It cost me quite a lot of money to get the morning after pill today, that’s a big bulk of my week’s wage gone. Even though the sex session with Andreo last night was pleasant, it still hasn’t cleared my mind of the man I’ve committed an affair with.
Jesus, I don’t feel physically good either. I haven’t stopped peeing today, I couldn’t stand for very long, and I haven’t eaten much either. Has the guilt of infidelity started to infect my body? I don’t know, my dear diary. But I am sure that I’ve made my ailment worse by sneaking out of the flat to go and see Marcos again.
I texted him to ask if it was ok to meet him at his home, and he replied back with so much glee and excitement. When he opened the door, he welcomed me with a smile and a kiss.
I think my week is getting stranger and stranger by the day, because it wasn’t long ago when I saw him with another girl in the ladies toilet at my favourite bar. I didn’t question him about it, nor did I want to. Would I have the right to, though? His sex life is his own business, after all.
Anyway, we proceeded the night with two bottles of beer, the drink that started our relationship. I didn’t prep myself up as I usually do with Andreo; I was just in my jeans, jumper and All-Star converses, just like how I always was back at university.
Then, he held my hands, pushed me onto his table, and kissed me as if he wasn’t going to see me ever again. I pursued his lust and tried to undo his jeans, but he stopped me in my tracks and whispered that he only wanted to pleasure me.
Jeez, it was if he was trying to copy what Andreo did to me in Granada, when he sat me down and licked my pussy while I was drinking red wine from a bottle. However, I didn’t complain. C’mon, I didn’t have to do any work!
Marcos teased my clit with his finger through the fabric of my white, lacey underwear; white isn’t a colour that I’m allowed to wear anymore, but I’m a rebel at heart. After taking off my pants and spreading my lips apart, he proceeded to massage my pussy with his lips and tongue.
He hasn’t changed the way he looks at me, which I loved, but what I didn’t love was that my phone started ringing while I was enjoying the sensation of his mouth on my cunt. I struggled to switch the phone off as Marcos’ tongue started to be cheeky and licked me on my most sensitive spots. I thought it was Andreo calling to ask me where I am, I stopped Marcos’ in his tracks when I looked at the name on my phone.
It was Jacob, my ex.
Friday 4th March
Dear diary, I don’t know what’s going to happen after today, but I know that I do have some important decisions to make.
Andreo is starting to get suspicious of me; I’ve started going out late at night and telling him that I’m going to see Ilaria and her friends, when in reality, I’ve been seeing Marcos behind his back.
I thought it was just going to be a one night stand, a short reunion of our animalistic passion for each other. However, it turns out that I have grown an addiction to the guy who couldn’t stop staring at me in my illustration classes.
Huh, how ironic is that? I fucked him, ditched him, and now I’m fucking him again.
I like both Andreo and Marcos, and I don’t know who I want to be with more. Andreo always keeps me guessing and makes sure that I feel loved at the end of the night, but I have a lot in common with Marcos and we have a connection that can’t be diminished so easily.
However, the need to make a decision between the two men is not as important as the decision that I need to make today. Nowhere even close. This is going to be short, but it’s not going to be sweet. I will not write any explanation about the hiatus that will come after this entry; this is better left unsaid if I don’t want to have a breakdown right now.
I may have to put my life on hold; I can’t write in this diary anymore. Why? Because I took another test…