Sex Positions To Burn Calories!

March 14, 2016

It’s predictable. Whenever people have had a copious amount of champagne and bacon on New Year’s Eve, they suddenly go on some detox plan the day after. Every New Year’s Day, an acquaintance on Facebook would post a status that’d say:

‘Right! No more alcohol and no more junk! I’m going on a diet and I’m signing up to a gym!’

In January, a lot of people follow their exercise regime really well, until February comes and their boyfriends buy them jelly hearts and pastries Valentines Day. That’s when you fall off the wagon and go back to their old ways! However, there are many Swedish cardio-bunnies that do their best to stick to their gym sessions; that’s not surprising, though, since Sweden is the most active country in Europe!

When people say ‘No pain, no gain’ I shout out ‘Bullshit’! You can save yourself some Kronos in your pocket when you decide to say ‘No’ to pain in the gym but ‘Yes’ to pleasure in the bedroom. Unfortunately, sex doesn’t have a calorie counter like you would find on a treadmill or an elliptical machine, but this article can give you an idea on how many calories you would burn during a sex act!

A little kiss blazes more calories than you think!

Remember, guys and girls, every little movement you do that brings your heart rate up would burst your fat in flames. Some of these statistics may sound a little crazy, but I can assure you, these sex acts and positions are great for your waistline if you decide to go a little crazy underneath the bed sheets!

You can burn around 68 calories if you kiss for one hour. If you can scorch 68 calories by simply kissing your companion for one hour, think about how much weight you can lose through French kissing!

Alternatively, your boyfriend can bring his drills into the bedroom by doing planks and push-ups on top of you while kissing, which would burn an average of 171 calories for every half hour that you’d dip and kiss! When you include petting and undressing into the mix, you can burn off an extra 75 calories to your kissing session; that is for every half hour that you remove a piece of clothing from your gorgeous companion!

Putting your hands and mouth to work!

If you’re wondering what healthy breakfast you should have in the morning, it should be cock. You can burn around 100 calories for every half hour you suck on your partner’s dick or eat out your companion’s pussy.

As well as using this exercise for kissing, you can do pushups while you let your boyfriend’s cock slide in and out of your mouth! If you’re divulging into the 69 position, you can both move your hips at the same time to lose more fat and gain more satisfaction.

For those who would be wondering how much sweat you would make by just fingering a girl, depending on how fast you’d move your hand, it could be up to 150 calories per half hour. I have many friends who are in relationships and who only have one arm made of muscle and then the other one made of skin and bone.

I would always ask them ‘Is that your finger-fucking arm?’

They’d slowly nod back discreetly with a cheeky smile! Although, I have a lot of friends who are single and have the one-strong-arm syndrome. I would just switch the question and ask them ‘Is that your wanking arm?’

‘Can sex be my new CrossFit regime?’

You’ve all been waiting to hear this, folks. How much fat you would burn as you’d fuck your sexy partner? Well, on average, you can burn at least 144 calories during a half-hour of good old fashion fucking.

Guys can burn so many calories in the missionary position or while they’re on top of their ladies. Have you not experienced how much sweat drips off their foreheads when they’re humping you like a pneumatic drill?

Nevertheless, the number of calories you burn in the bedroom depends on the kind of positions that you would do on the bed, on the kitchen table, on the balcony or wherever you’d prefer to fuck! The best way to emphasise the amount of burned fat would be when you’re using your arms or legs the most.

A great way for a woman to fight the flab would be to do squats on the guy, where she’d use her thighs to move up and down on the guy’s cock as she’d moan in ecstasy. I’ve recommended squatting to a Brazilian friend of mine who lost quite a lot of weight but has lost the shape of her ass during her weight loss. I saw her a week later and she couldn’t thank me enough for telling her about the ultimate position to lose fat but gain muscle at the same time!

Furthermore, if you find a companion who can have multiple rounds of sex in one night, then you could be scorching around 500 calories per night? C’mon, you get to lose weight while you orgasm, so what would be the point of going to the gym or going for a run?!

Baby, you’re my favourite cardio workout!

With the amount of calories that you could set on fire through sex, what reason would there be for you to go and spend your Kronos on some expensive new weights or a vibrating band that’s ‘suppose’ to give you abs? You wouldn’t feel any pleasure from spending 3 hours in the gym; only pain!

Moreover, no one could enhance their enjoyment in a good workout when they wouldn’t have a hot partner. Why else would you see gym fanatics go into the weights section in packs?

If you know of any other fat-burning sex positions that do wonders on your arms, legs and ass, then feel free to write them in the comments section below! Tell the cardio-bunnies your secret; they’d all be dying to know!

Zoe Jaspers
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If you move good and fast, you burn many calories. You burn more hen swimming.

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